


A Promise

by meesherbeans



Series: You Make Me Feel Human [25]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Heavy Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-09
Updated: 2015-01-09
Packaged: 2018-03-06 19:55:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3146651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meesherbeans/pseuds/meesherbeans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My headcanon interpretation of the final conversation between a loyal femShep and a romanced Kaidan. A little more emotionally charged than usual, due to obvious surrounding circumstances.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Promise

The air was thick with the smell of blood – every kind of blood imaginable: human, turian, krogan, even rachni. She told herself it was the smell causing her stomach to knot up so badly. Deep down, Shepard knew the truth. She was actually afraid. That's what was _really_ bothering her.

For the first time in her life, she wasn't confident they could pull this off. Stopping Saren? No problem. The Collectors? Tough, yet totally doable. But this? The buildings of London were crumbling around her and all she could do was hope this preposterously desperate plan worked. She'd holo-called a few people and said her final piece to many friends. There was only one person left, and she had purposefully kept him for last. It wasn't something she was looking forward to.

Stepping carefully through the debris, Shepard sighed and moved toward the actual battlefield. Maybe he was talking with some of the biotic defenders; perhaps they were even some of his students. She didn't have much more time to waste before needing to report to Anderson. Impatience took over and she stalked toward the last spot: a small building that was still standing. There he was, giving a pep talk to a younger soldier, probably a biotic. She was filled with warm pride as she quietly stepped into the room and waited for them to be done. A few moments later, the young woman nodded and headed out – after saluting Shepard along the way.

And then they were alone. Her throat immediately closed. _Dammit._ She cleared her throat and broke the silence. "Hey, Kaidan."

"Hey, there you are." His voice was as strained as her own – neither of them was good at hiding their emotions at this point.

Her gaze moved to look out one of the broken windows, falling on a small group of soldiers talking in a cluster. They needed to keep it together, if only for anyone who could see them. The galaxy's only two human Spectres couldn't start losing it right before the end; that'd be horrible for morale. She took a deep breath and started toward the door again. "You ready?"

Thankfully, he followed her. Walking made it easier to not get caught up in their emotions. "Absolutely." His hand reached to brace against the wall as he kicked a bit of debris out of the way. "For anything." An awkward pause passed between them as they slowly meandered about the wreckage. "Bring it on."

"And biotics division?" _Yes, that's a good distraction._ "Your students?" She began to walk toward the building housing their comm systems.

That brought a fond if short chuckle out of him. "Heh. More than ready, eager. That's youth for you." Suddenly Kaidan started leading her away, moving to the side of the building. "Guess we're old soldiers, eh, Shepard?"

Shepard blinked and followed with a small smile. "Yeah…I guess we are." She'd have to remember to make a joke about him using 'eh' later. _Assuming there is a later._ They rounded the building's corner and took a few steps into the space between what was left of the buildings. _Ah._ That's what he had planned.

"Comrades in arms." He took a few more steps and then twisted to look behind her. Satisfied at whatever he saw, he reached to touch her upper arm. What little restraint he had been maintaining while they were in public immediately dissipated. She couldn't even stand to look him in the eye, gaze fluttering to the chipped stone wall they hid behind.

His voice was rough, choked. "We know the score." Her eyes widened at that, shooting back to his. "We know this is…goodbye."

Tears immediately surged as her chest tightened. She shook her head softly before resting a gloved hand against Kaidan's chest plate. "No. When this is over…I'm going to be waiting for you." Wetness streaked through the dirt and blood on her cheeks. She bit her lip to try and keep some semblance of control. "You better show up."

The pad of his glove caressed the tears from her cheek as he reassured her. "Don't get me wrong; I'm going to fight like _hell_ for the chance to hold you again." Her half-smile made him lean up and kiss her forehead. When he looked back to her, he sighed. "But…listen. I…there's things…I want to say." She could tell he was nervous for some reason, brown eyes darting between the wall, the ground and her shoulder. "You know, looking back, I have a few regrets, but not many. That's pretty damn amazing, right? Messed up kid that I was, never would have _dreamed_ of the life I've had. And I owe a lot of that to you."

Shepard nodded slowly. Her hand reached up and gently pushed him to face her again. What was he trying to say?

He smiled at her questioning look. "I don't want any more regrets. Not at this point." When she quietly nodded, he began to ramble. "What I mean is…well, this isn't the best time, but…when this is over. If it's over. No, when it's over, and we're both still here, we should retire an–"

An armored finger softly pressed against his lips, cutting him off. She knew where this was going. "Kaidan, this isn't the time or place." Despite the objection, she couldn't help but feel overwhelmingly touched.

"I know, but…"

Her eyes glittered with tears as an old memory surfaced. "I know." She took in a ragged breath and mustered the best smile she could; it was probably a little too sad, but oh well. "I'm going to tell you what I said before Ilos." The immediate recognition of their first private promise brought tears to his eyes.

The words slowly flowed between them, nearly sacred. "I need something to get me through this. I need you to survive. If I want to hear you say it, I have to make it back to you. If you want to hear my answer, you have to make it out alive with me, too."

Kaidan nodded and kissed the finger against his lips. "Okay." He moved her hand to the side, pressing it against his cheek. "How are you doing? Scared?"

_Of all the things to ask…_

She let out one note of a pained chuckle. "Of course I'm scared." Her eyes drifted to the sky – and all those damned Reapers no doubt lurking beyond the smoke that blocked the sun. Resolve slowly set in despite the way her voice kept closing off. "But that fear's going to keep me alive long enough to strike these bastards right through the heart."

"…Yeah." It was his turn to softly pull her back to face him. "Hopefully a little longer than that, too."

She breathed a laugh and nodded. The loud echo of an explosion bounced through the small alley, a small rumble following shortly. They both frowned; work called. "So." Tears threatened to well up again as their private moment came to an end. "Take care, Major."

She turned to walk away when he suddenly grasped her forearm and lightly pressed her against the building wall. Lips desperately met lips, tears breaking free as eyes slid shut. Her hand drifted to lightly touch the arm he had wrapped around her waist.

The fierce kiss quickly grew tender and she reluctantly pulled away a moment later. He leaned his forehead against hers, their eyes locked. She had never heard more pain in Kaidan's voice before that moment; it sounded as if every word was torture to vocalize. Her heart broke all over again. "I _can't_ lose you again."

"You won't." A foolish promise, but one she couldn't help blurting out. Now she really had to make it through this. _No pressure._

It had the intended effect as he nodded and pressed a faint kiss against her cheek before stepping back. "Well. I…should find the rest of my squad."

Her palm carefully if quickly smudged the tears away; Shepard's face was so dirty, no one would notice if they didn't meet her eyes for the next few minutes. "Yeah…"

Neither of them wanted to be the first to go.

He gently touched her cheek, the heartfelt look between them saying more than words ever could. A moment later, he turned and began to walk out of the alley.

An odd sense of hope came over her as she watched him walk away; maybe they _could_ win this. If she could get the quarians and the geth to work together, the krogan and the turians to work together…if she and Kaidan could overcome death itself to be together again…maybe they _did_ stand a chance at beating the Reapers. Shepard stood tall and marched out into the open.

It was time to finish this.


End file.
